My first semester of college will be ending in a little over a month. You know, I was really scared about how my classes would go. I am making straight A's and doing everything right, although I always felt like I'd do it all wrong. I felt like I would be the kid going home after the first semester because it was too hard. But I love it. I love this campus, I love the people, and I love my classes. I am already to get out of here, but that's only because I want to be a news reporter. I want to get out there and do it. =]
On a not so happy note, my social life could use a boost. I spend a lot of my time doing work and leave no time for meeting people. I mean, I hang out with people occasionally, but I find my schoolwork to be more important. Is that weird? But I don't have a real problem with that. I like being alone 95% of the time. That's how I spent the majority of my time in high school. I only hung out on the weekends and the majority of my week was dedicated to schoolwork. The only difference was that I already had friends. Ah, who knows. I am going to find my "social place" here eventually. I think it is good that I've really hit the academics with full force, though.
I am going hunting this weekend. Yeah, I know. I have always hated guns and thought people who kill deer were terrible. But it's actually a really neat sport. & Plus, venison is very good for you. =]
Anyway, I have more homework to do and I am watching the election returns tonight! =] I'm praying for McCain, but knows God has a plan with either candidate.

No homesickness for me! I love wku! =]

School starts back up tomorrow out here. It feels really weird knowing that I'm not going back tomorrow. I kind of feel left out, as weird as that sounds. I know none of my friends will be there and that it would be totally different - but I just always loved the first day of school. Don't get me wrong, I am glad high school is over. It is just sad parting with that era in my life. Everything is about to change drastically and things will never be the same. That scares me a little. As ready as I am for something new, I really just want to crawl up and stay in my little comfort zone forever.
WKU is in just a few days. I am really scared about leaving home. I know that I'll have Anthony there with me and I'll make all kinds of friends - blah blah blah. I just hate the thought of leaving my animals and my parents. =// I am going to get so homesick. I just know it. & That's discouraging. I hope I do okay when I get there. Essh. I'm so scared!

I haven't been on here in a while, so let's update.
I'm currently completely and totally single. I don't have any guys lingering in the background; I am completely alone. I think it's a good thing, although I do tend to get lonely and bored. I just have some feelings that need to be dealt with. I've spent the past few months trying to forget them and deny them - and I have hard to learn that it's best to just admit it and deal with it. It's fairly depressing, but I'm moving on in a much healthier way before. No drinking, no rebound, just my music and I.
I am leaving for WKU in two weeks! A part of me is dreading that homesick feeling I know I will get. I know that I'll hate being away from my animals, my parents, and my little comfort zone called Shepherdsville. But I have to admit I get more and more excited every day. Every time someone from high school calls me and reminds me of why I want to get out of here - I am just dying to leave that instant. I want to meet new people and make new memories instead of constantly repeating and talking about the old ones. You know what I mean? Ofcourse, I am also very excited about my broadcasting classes. I have finally decided that I want to be a broadcast news major - so now I just have to bust my butt and get involved. That sounds so exciting!
I have also really had to come to terms with some bad decisions I have made lately. I suppose the only way to explain it is immaturity and my own lack of experience. I always try to make myself seem so grown up and wise, but sometimes I swear I have no clue. Oh well. I may cringe when I think about some things I have done, but it makes me a stronger person and I do learn a lot from it. With all bad things you can always find something good and dwelling is not the way to find it. So I choose to stay optimistic, forgive myself, and correct it with my actions now.
Growing up is hard. =/

Well, I am a high school graduate now. It's not as exciting as I had imagined and I'm not really that sad about it. Sure, I sobbed the last day of school when I had to say goodbye to teachers. I felt like I was being ripped from the womb; my little comfort zone. But I have paid my dues with all of the high school drama and the hard work. I'm never going back! [okay I will next year to pick up the yearbook I worked on and to say hi to my favorite teachers]
Now that we've got that out of the way, there is so much to look forward to! I got my dorm room assignment for WKU - I'm staying in Hugh Poland Hall on the 4th floor. I don't know my roommate - I suppose I need to get in touch with her about what to bring. I am very excited about going away to college but I am also dreading being homesick. Everyone I know said that the first few weeks are terrible but, that's life. It is a big adjustment. I am going to get involved [going to the gym, doing aerobics classes :)] and make friends. & I am ready to start on my early broadcasting career! This major is sort of hands on - some of it is lecture and some of it is labs. I am so excited to get my first internship at a news station - even if I'm just getting coffee for a news anchor! I'd love the environment and I am going to work my way to the top of the broadcasting and television industry.
Why did I choose broadcasting, you may ask? Well, I always knew I wanted to do something creative. I really got interested in film editing a few years ago when I began to make my own little movies. & I have always enjoyed public speaking along with writing. Being a news reporter would let me do all of that.
Things are going to change so much and I am really getting ready. I got my first paycheck today and I am so pumped to start buying posters and little decorations for my room. :) Just a month and a half!
On a sad note, my grandpa passed away yesterday. He was such an amazing man with such high spirits and an amazing work ethic. He is someone with an influence I hope to follow and live up to. I am so proud to be apart of the Russ "dynasty" - although many people think we're crazy. We are a bunch of passionate and hardworking people. I am so glad that I saw him one last time before he passed and I feel peace knowing he's in heaven with Uncle Jimmy. :)
This has been a big year - good and bad. & Even more is going to happen!

As my grandpa would say in any trying time as this one, the show must go on. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on. He's not with us any longer but his legacy sure lives on.

Things are constantly changing around here. First my parents decide to get a divorce, now my mom is dating guys she meets on myspace and louisvillemojo. YUCK! I am graduating in a month and then I will be starting my first 9-5, mon-fri job. My friends and I aren't the same anymore. The only people I pay attention to these days are my parents, my brothers, my Coryyy, and Amber. & Alex now that her and Robert have called it quits. Gosh. It's just one insane emotional rollercoaster around here.
Today Cory and I have plans to go to Bernheim for a picnic - but I don't know if it'll work out that way. It has been raining for the past two days so it may be wet and cloudy. No fun. I may just cook him dinner or something. I've been learning how to cook lately. I figure that now I am going to be more independent, I need to learn how to cook for myself. :)
I have decided to stop drinking and stop having sex for a while. I was drinking a lot after Chris & I broke up - when I was dating Jordan. I was acting so obnoxious and I wouldn't remember what I did the next day. EW. After Jordan I got it together, I really only drink when my brothers are in town and even then I get just a little tipsy. Plus it's weird to drink around Cory because he doesn't and although he doesn't tell me I cant - I just feel bad for him having to be around my silly tipsy self. He thinks it's cute sometimes but whatever. I am also stopping sex for a bit because Cory and I did it way too soon. I always thought that because I had sex with someone else and it felt okay - I could do it with anyone. Every guy and relationship is different, though. I am getting to that point to where I think I am falling in love with Cory and sex kind of messes with my emotions. Cory is completely fine with my decision. I know his horny self will still want to but he's not the type to get mad when I say no. I've said no plenty of times already for me to know.
Well I guess this is all for now.

Too weird. I ask for a guy that is no more than a fling to me and maybe even a friend. I didn't want to end up feeling these feelings again. I'm scared to death now. Cory and I started seeing each other - and it turned into much more than we both expected. I don't know. It's happening really fast. Okay, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I don't like having him around because if anything, these days he is like a breath of fresh air. Seriously. People around here have been so dull and boring - he has been the person that can stimulate me and we have fun together. Although I didn't really want it at first, I care about him a lot these days.
High school ends in a few months, though. I am moving to the Highlands & starting a new little chapter to my life. He is going to UK which is about an hour and a half from here and I suppose two hours from Louisville. Phew. Another long distance affair. I swore up and down I wouldn't get involved in that again after Chris. I guess I am a sucker for guys that live far far far away.
So .. Instead of running from having fun and letting someone care about me, I have decided to indulge myself. I'm young. I don't care. If there was anything my past relationships have taught me, it is to take the risk. I am sick of being scared and I honestly have no time for it. He makes me happy and I ought to live in my little happy moment.

:)

I know I already posted today but I am just feeling so much. Apparently my parents are divorcing - AGAIN. I was right last summer when they decided to re-marry. I knew it was not going to work. Why is it that I always seem to know when they're making a mistake but they just ignore me? Whatever. Their problems are so old and stale. I do not ever want to put my children what they have put me through. It has caused so much animosity. Oh I'm glad that college is almost here.
Speaking of college, I don't want to go to Western. Why go to a party school in a small town just like Shepherdsville? What's the difference? There's fucking nothing to do out there for me except sit in my dorm on my laptop. Oh yes. Real fun. I think I'll just move to Louisville and go to UofL. Maybe. WKU isn't completely out of the question. I just don't think I'll do it. I want to get away from my parents but I don't want to move to fucking small-ass party town ville.

I cannot believe that I'm writing this but I suppose to get over things you need some kind of a release. I should be sad that my relationship with Jordan is over but I'm actually not. I feel bad for him and feel terrible he spent so much time and money on me & I didn't even know if I wanted it. There is a bit of guilt I feel for letting that happen. I thought I wanted it for a little while; all of the serious stuff. But I think I was just trying to fill that little void I had because of my breakup with Chris.
Oh Chris, why does he have to exist? I talked to him twice on aim lastnight; I'm glad we're sort of back to normal. That's real nice. I just get pissed because for some reason I always end up feeling something for him. It's something I have to deal with & let go, I know. I don't really want to be with him or anything, considering the last half of our relationship was a bore and fairly painful. Sometimes I just miss him and allllll of that time we spent together. I don't know why he always ranks highest on my list as Mr. Perfect. I know he has his flaws; I have an entire list of them in my head. I just think he ought to disappear. But why disappear when he's one of the only people I know that actually make sense? [well sometimes] Time heals all wounds, I guess. I just need to look at him one day and not feel a damn thing. Not bitterness, not infatuation, NOTHING. Just friends. The other junk needs to go away because it just eats me up inside.
It feels good to be single. I need to deal with these feelings I have and work through them. I also need to get back in touch with who I am and grow.

<3

Tonight I'm hanging out with Amber & Jeremy. I may even hang out with Toni because her boyfriend broke up with her and she needs a little cheer session. I think we will all have fun!
I broke up with Jordan. That didn't last long, I know. I just didn't think it was going anywhere and I am not ready for a relationship. I want to be alone and just figure out who I am. Sometimes I feel like I have lost my identity while being in relationships for so long and never having room to breathe. I have a lot of love in my heart to give. My time for relationships and love will come. Now is just not the time.
I'm not bitter with Chris anymore. I think I still have opinions about him but that's just what I think; he's not a bad person at all. He still ranks pretty high on my list. I just know he and I are either too much alike or much too different. Believe me; I've done major Chris&Amy analyzation. Our relationship ending was a good decision. Maybe I still get reminiscent but I don't dig how things were going. It was both boring and almost painful.
So anyway, I have a puppy. Her name is Ramsey. SHE and Kelly are my world. Who needs boys when you have these little sweethearts? I reccomend getting a pet if you're lonely but don't feel relationships. It's great!